you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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