i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
