Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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