I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
