I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
