Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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