i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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