having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
