You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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