on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
