If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
