I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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