The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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