so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
