God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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