dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
