I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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