Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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