the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he was CRYING into my vagina
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize