I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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