You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize