upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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