We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
