Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
