Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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