He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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