Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
