I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize