her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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