Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize