New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
