when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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