Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
