just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
