It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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