ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
