did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
