I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
there is puke in my bra ... again
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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