Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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