that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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