it hurts more in the daytime
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize