these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
