and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
