so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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