Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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