I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
