I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
