mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
