I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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