Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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