I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize