i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
