I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
