you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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