Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
