woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
