its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I love having hate sex.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize