i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
