Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
