We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm always down for nudity.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
