apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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