Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
