can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
