Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize