i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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