I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
