I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
