I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Someone came in the potted fern
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
